KP vs Punjab: A Racist Post

I was in a part of Punjab last few days. I know I’m making it sound like I’ve been to Antarctica. Anyways here are a few things I noticed in Punjab that differ from KP.

mar jao laikin qehwa nahi milay ga

Punjabis will get extinct in a while. They’ll kill themselves with their overconsumption of that dark, greasy drink that they call tea.

But more importantly, a Pakhtun will die in Punjab with lack of qehwa. I mean for fuck’s sake, there are places that call themselves tea cafes, and when you ask for sabz chai/qehwa, they’ll look at you like you’ve asked for the holy grail.


The involuntary music that you get to hear in KP restaurants, buses, barber shops, music stores etc is usually the cheapest of the Pakhto or Bollywood music. Not that their isn’t good Pakhto music. But people don’t have the taste for good music in KP. They don’t call it music if it doesn’t make you want to smash your head against whatever is hard enough near you.

In Punjab they play awesome awesome folk and qawalli music. When there is Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan playing in the background, you can even enjoy your shitty cup of non-qehwa drink. Unlike KP where you have to just hurry up with your awesome awesome cup of qehwa, to get away from the horrible music.

daal with it!

In Punjaab when you ask the waiter what’s there to eat, all that you are going to hear is ‘daal’. Every dish has got to have a ‘daal’ prefix. The Afghans who hate Pakistan, use ‘daal-khor’ as a derogatory word for Pakistanis. I get that now. What’s worse, is that, if the name doesn’t start with a daal they don’t consider it a pulse, and won’t serve it. Beans is a pulse as far as I know. But go check the restaurants in Punjaab, you’ll find ever variety of pulses, not lobia. Just because someone hasn’t named it ‘surkh daal’ or something.

If you find a hotel that serves something for carnivores, it’ll suck monkey ass. I had a Karhai that cost twice it’s price in KP, and tasted like a tyre in roasted tomatoes.

mehnat may azmat

When you are getting a hair-cut in KP, the hairdresser will first spend 10 minutes making himself a ball of naswar, then he’ll only take a break from talking to his pal, when you tell him that you are leaving. And when you get back home after getting a hair-cut your parents will ask you if you’ve been involved in a brawl.

In Punjaab people not always look like they wanted to become artists and are stuck in the wrong jobs.

Final score:

Punjab 225.08 points
KP: 3589

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2 Responses to KP vs Punjab: A Racist Post

  1. BS. Time to kill you, Khan.

  2. brilliant! please don’t ever think of having karhai in the punjab – absolutely terrible. karachi’s influx of pathans gives us some good places, but still nothin’ on KP. also amazing observation on the barbers. i remember during my LUMS days wondering how my barber was always a million times better dressed than anyone i knew.

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